Nowadays, as role models, famous people have an increasing influence on the young. Is it a positive or negative development?

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In the modern world, public figures have a growing impact on young minds, who consider them as role models. I believe
this
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trend to be largely positive as the famous association can encourage the young to be more perseverant and generous even though there is a possibility of more anti-social behaviour. The foremost rationale for my approval of famed human
beings
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influencing the young association is the inspiration that they provide. Many renowned figures in various fields,
such
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as science and business, often share stories of their struggles and perseverance, motivating the young association to pursue their dreams.
For example
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, the journey of Elon Musk, who has confronted countless challenges and failures to establish his multi-billion dollar business empire, has inspired young entrepreneurs worldwide to persevere through hardships for future success. Another compelling reason why I find that more young communities are affected by famous human
beings
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is their ability to serve as examples of supporting others. Recently, there have been a number of articles depicting the contribution of celebrities in supporting social events and charities. Their involvement not only provides direct assistance to those in need but
also
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fosters a sense of compassion and unity among their fans, encouraging them to be more supportive and helpful.
Nevertheless
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, I acknowledge that certain celebrities might encourage misbehaviour among their young fan base. It is because some recognisable human
beings
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, especially those who rise to fame on social media, exhibit disruptive actions to garner public attention. Specifically, some Tiktokers have recorded videos of themselves doing harmful pranks on others or destroying facilities only to gain fame and recognition.
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,
this
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might cause
such
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misbehaviour to be more popular and severe. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that the influence of famous human
beings
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on the young is mostly beneficial given the fact that they can be a source of inspiration and compassion,
although
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some might set negative examples of anti-social acts.
That is
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why governments should regulate the behaviours of famous communities more stringently across platforms.
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information and ideas throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be consistent in referring to groups or entities. For instance, instead of switching between 'famed human beings,' 'celebrities,' and 'recognisable human beings,' choose one term and use it throughout to maintain clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Fully develop your main ideas with more detailed examples. Ensure that examples are directly linked to the points being made and are expanded upon to demonstrate clear understanding and relevance.
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Aim to provide a balanced view on the topic by exploring both sides equally when discussing the positive and negative effects of famous individuals on the young.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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