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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.
The table demonstrates data
of
Change preposition
on
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 spending on different items in five
countries
Use synonyms
—namely
Ireland
Use synonyms
, Italy,
Spain
Use synonyms
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
, and Turkey—in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2002.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Ireland
Use synonyms
 and Turkey
accounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
account
show examples
 for
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
show examples
 proportion
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 total consumer
expenditure
Use synonyms
 than
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 other
countries
Use synonyms
, especially on food, drinks and
tobacoo
Correct your spelling
tobacco
. The total percentage of
comsumer
Correct your spelling
consumer
 spending in Turkey and
Ireland
Use synonyms
 is around 42% and 36%, which is obviously higher than Italy,
Spain
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, and
Sweden
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. The food and tobacco
expenditure
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(32.14%) in Turkey is
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 among
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
, following
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Ireland
Use synonyms
 with 28.91%. Meanwhile, Turkey’s
expend
Replace the word
expenditure
show examples
 on leisure and education accounts for 4.35%, which is
also
Linking Words
 higher than that of
Ireland
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the share of clothing between the two
countries
Use synonyms
 is
approximate
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6.43% and 6.63% respectively. Among the other three European
countries
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, food
expenditure
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is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 accounts large
.
Check wording
portion.
show examples
Spain
Use synonyms
 holds the largest proportion(18.80%), with 16.36% in Italy and 15.77% in
Sweden
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, compared with 3% portion of leisure spending in Italy and
Sweden
Use synonyms
,
Spain
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
, which is 1.98%.Arranging from largest to smallest proportion of clothing
expenditure
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, Italy ranks first and
Spain
Use synonyms
second,
Linking Words
Sweden
Use synonyms
 third,with 9%, 6.51%, and 5.40% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ireland, spain, sweden, expenditure, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer spending
  • items
  • countries
  • comparison
  • overview
  • table
  • data
  • information
  • proportion
  • percentage
  • figures
  • categories
  • expenditure
  • purchases
  • spending habits
  • trends
  • average
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • pattern
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