IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads, To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

In today's
globalized
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globalised
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 world, many assert that authorities ought to spend more money on expanding railways
instead
Linking Words
 of roads.
This
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 approach seems largely rational, from my personal perspective, as it not only can reduce the rate of mortality from accidents, but
also
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 reduce air
pollution
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 from burning fossil fuel. Originally, security
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 one of the most significant effects of increasing the railways.
Trains
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 possess a very strong structure from metal
resistance
Punctuation problem
, resistance
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 against hitting and breaking. Even when two
trains
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 crash into each other, there is a trivial probability of experiencing serious damage. As an example, the University of Cambridge found that the mortality rate in California has been considerably reduced in two years, as people today prefer taking the train, as a public transport,
instead
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 of a personal vehicle, compared to previous years.
Thus
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,
trains
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 are well-known as the safest vehicle for transport.
In addition
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, the environment-friendly contend that one of the best ways to reduce air
pollution
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 is the use of public transports, which consume renewable resources. More specifically, electric
trains
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 are a great achievement
Punctuation problem
, utilizing
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utilizing
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utilising
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 electricity
instead
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 of fossil fuel. The result of which diminishes the entrance of
pollution
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 into the atmosphere.
For instance
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, research by a UK University indicated that the more electric
trains
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 a society has, the fewer pollutants are measured, like CO2 and NO.
As a result
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, increasing the number of
trains
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 can diminish the level of contaminants in the atmosphere.
To sum up
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, I completely agree with
this
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 concept that not only can it reduce the level of accidents and
pollution
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, but
also
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 prevent the waste of time.
Consequently
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, expanding railways is the government's responsibility

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task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction that states your main argument and outline your key points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects logically to the next.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and details to support your arguments.
content
The essay addresses important points like safety and pollution.
coherence
There is a good attempt to compare trains and personal vehicles.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • spend
  • money
  • railways
  • roads
  • efficiency
  • transport
  • environment
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • building
  • jobs
  • boosting
  • economy
  • travel
  • comfort
  • facilities
  • passengers
  • wear and tear
  • repair costs
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