IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children are responsible for their crimes and should be punished for them. Others think the parents are in charge and should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is widely asserted that only
children
Use synonyms
 should take accountability for the crimes that they have committed,
whereas
Linking Words
 others hold a belief that punishment should be employed on their
parents
Use synonyms
 who are in charge of their violations. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to demonstrate the two opposed viewpoints. Personally, it is my belief that only offspring who commit crimes should be punished for their actions for a variety of reasons. On the one hand, it is commonly acknowledged that
parents
Use synonyms
 and guardians who are in charge of
children
Use synonyms
's acts of violence should be punished in place of their
children
Use synonyms
 because of their lack of moral guidance.
This
Linking Words
 means that most people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 are one of the key factors leading to their
children
Use synonyms
's
behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
show examples
 because they raised their
children
Use synonyms
 with
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 manners
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 possibly they did not teach them anything.
Thus
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will not be cognizant of the things they do
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 indirectly have contributed to their actions.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are raised in a dysfunctional household where they are neglected and punished by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for their
children
Use synonyms
's propensity to anger and
emotional- regulation
Use the right word
emotional-regulation
show examples
 impairment
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may contribute to their violations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that minors who are directly responsible for their
offenses
Use the right word
offences
show examples
 should be imprisoned. The main reasons leading to
this
Linking Words
 assertion
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 because people believe that the infringements were intentional and these
children
Use synonyms
 were fully aware of them. A particularly good instance of
this
Linking Words
 point is that, in
korea
Fix capitalization
Korea
show examples
, a boy named Taehyung who had murdered his friends was immediately sent to jail regardless of being told he had
psychological
Correct article usage
a psychological
show examples
 disease. It is reported by the Korean press that, despite the argument that his
parents
Use synonyms
 should be punished
instead
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 of him, psychologists pointed out that he did not have any mental problems
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he was aware of his violation and he had previously prepared a plan
as well as
Linking Words
 an alibi at the trial.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in some cases,
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
show examples
 of perpetrators' supervisors may not be reasonable because some
parents
Use synonyms
 did not realise their
children
Use synonyms
's actions. Eventually, if the government arrests the culprits, it will ensure the likelihood that the criminals do not have a
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to
relapse
Verb problem
repeat
show examples
 their crimes. In conclusion,
although
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 the debate about whether
children
Use synonyms
 or their supervisors should be punished
sparkle
Verb problem
sparks
show examples
 two different viewpoints, I am convinced that imprisonment of
children
Use synonyms
 would be an effective solution.
Therefore
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, punishing their
parents
Use synonyms
 should not be considered as a
long- term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 measure if we seek to improve the situation of juvenile delinquency.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and provides a roadmap for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details to support your points and make them stronger.
positive
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion.
positive
You provide clear arguments for both sides of the debate.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Parental responsibility
  • Cognitive development
  • Deterrent
  • Societal norms
  • Misbehavior
  • Upbringing
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Environmental influence
  • Shared accountability
  • Criminal behavior
  • Legal system
  • Juvenile detention
  • Misdemeanor
  • Offenses
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