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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
The line graph shows information about the number of players for different activities at a social
center
Use the right word
centre
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 in Melbourne
Punctuation problem
, witch
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witch
Use the right word
which
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 is in the state of Australia
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 a period of 20 years.
According to
Linking Words
 the line
graph
Add a comma
graph,
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 the film club is the highest
over all
Use the right word
overall
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 and remained that way over the 20 years .
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 we see that the martial arts had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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relativaly
Correct your spelling
relatively
 stable numbers from the year 2000 to 2020 .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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it is clear that
Linking Words
 the musical performances had
have
Verb problem
apply
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the lowest participants over the period.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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shown in the chart
table
Punctuation problem
, table
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 tennis saw a dramatic rise from 2010 to
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 with around 55 participants .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 amateur dramatics have had falling
figuers
Correct your spelling
figures
 from the year 2005 to
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
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left by
Wrong verb form
leaving
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 a mere
of
Change preposition
apply
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5 players . In the year 2000 to
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
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 table tennis
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 almost stable
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 in 2010 it changed to be twice as high as the years before

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • activity
  • attendance
  • demographic changes
  • societal trends
  • technological advancements
  • consistent
  • popularity
  • increase
  • decrease
  • external factors
  • lifestyle changes
  • cultural shifts
  • environmental shifts
  • speculation
  • comparison
  • contrast
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