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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in 5 Australia cities

The charts below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in 5 Australia cities
The bar chart presents detailed information about how many individuals purchased
such
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 kinds of drinks, including coffee and tea, in a particular country’s cities.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 the percentage of people who bought fresh coffee recorded the lowest per cent in all cities within a month's time,
while
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 the rate of consumers going to a café
illustrated
Verb problem
was
show examples
 almost the highest in the country.
According to
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 the chart,
at
Change preposition
apply
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about 63% of citizens in Melbourne and Hobart preferred to go to a café,
whereas
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 the population in Sydney in
this
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 survey had a figure of 61%.
However
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, compared to these places, the remaining others, namely Brisbane and Adelaide, demonstrated lower figures, at around 55% and 50%, respectively.
Moreover
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, the number of people buying instant ink had illustrated an average rate of 50% in Australia; Sydney accounted for 46%, Melbourne made up 48%, Brisbane recorded 53%, Adelaide numbered 50%, and Hobart reached 54%.
Additionally
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, people in Sydney and Melbourne who drank fresh beverages showed a proportion of approximately 44% and 43%, respectively. Meanwhile, the fresh ink was purchased by 38% of the population of Hobart.
To sum up
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, the figure for society buying
this
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 type of drink had the lowest score in the remaining two places, both showing just under 35%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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