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Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many countries senior positions have higher salaries compared to those of young workers of the same company. Some people think this isn't justified. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #positions #salaries #workers #company #people #isn
Across many geographical regions, corporate professionals argue that senior positions have competitive salaries as compared to individuals working in lower positions and
this
 is not justified. I completely agree with
this
 trend, as compensation packages are not just decided on the basis of corporate hierarchy rather
experience
 and individual skill sets
plays
Change the verb form
play
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 a significant role. On the one hand, people claim that it is unfair for employees working at entry-level positions to get lower pay in comparison with senior professionals.
Firstly
, in the case of fresh graduates, it is quite difficult to manage the living expenses of a metropolitan city with minimal wages. A prominent example is the retail sector, where store managers earn substantially more than sales associates.
As a result
 of
this
 income inequality, many young workers feel undervalued leading to job dissatisfaction.
Additionally
, many complain that job opportunities offering substantial pay, demand
for
Change preposition
apply
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a higher amount of work
experience
.
On the other hand
, it is not practical for companies to maintain income equality across the corporate hierarchy. It is obvious that salary packages depend on various factors
such
 as work
experience
, a flock of skill sets and individual contributions to the growth of the firm.
For example
, a CEO is getting a higher amount of pay because of his extensive
experience
 and the core competencies of managing a business he is bringing to the table.
Whereas
, a recently graduated sales could be not competent enough to leave a major impact on the
overall
 growth. In conclusion,
while
 high salaries for executives are often justified by their responsibilities, it is not unfair for young graduates considering their
experience
 and competencies.
Submitted by rshubham996 on

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by drawing more specific comparisons between senior and junior roles beyond salary, such as responsibilities and potential impacts on the company.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions logically into the next to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, effectively stating your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion frames your argument clearly and adds depth to your response.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, supporting your points well and illustrating your arguments about wage disparities.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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