IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Economic
growth
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 is often considered the cornerstone of a nation’s success by many governments, as it increases wealth, creates jobs, and improves infrastructure.
However
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, others argue that social, environmental, and cultural
progress
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 are equally vital for a country’s long-term well-being.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one hand, prioritising economic
progress
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 can bring numerous benefits. A strong economy boosts national income, enabling governments to invest in public services
such
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 as healthcare, education, and transportation.
Furthermore
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, it creates more employment opportunities, raising living standards and reducing poverty.
For example
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, countries like Singapore and South Korea have transformed from developing to highly developed nations largely
due to
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 rapid economic
growth
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, which in turn
improved
Verb problem
has improved
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 their citizens’ quality of life. Economic strength
also
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 increases a country’s global influence and resilience in times of crisis.
On the other hand
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, focusing solely on economic indicators can overlook other essential aspects of development. Social
progress
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—
such
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 as reducing inequality, ensuring access to education, and improving public health—plays a key role in building a stable and cohesive society. Environmental sustainability is equally important; without protecting natural resources and reducing pollution, economic
growth
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 may come at the expense of future generations.
For instance
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, industrial expansion in some countries has led to severe air and water pollution, negatively impacting citizens’ health.
Additionally
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, cultural development,
such
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 as preserving heritage and fostering creativity, strengthens national identity and promotes social harmony. In my opinion,
while
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 economic
progress
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 is a crucial foundation for a country’s advancement, it should not be the sole priority. A balanced approach that combines economic
growth
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 with social welfare, environmental protection, and cultural preservation is essential. Economic prosperity loses its meaning if citizens live in poor health, face deep inequality, or see their environment destroyed. In conclusion, governments should strive for holistic
progress
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 rather than placing all emphasis on economic performance. Only by integrating economic, social, environmental, and cultural goals can nations achieve sustainable and meaningful development.

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task response
Your essay gives both sides and your own view. This is good. Try to add one more small idea to deepen your argument.
coherence
Link the sentences more with simple words like and, but, also, so, because. This will help flow.
style
Some long sentences are hard to read. Split them into two shorter ones.
examples
Give one or two small facts to back up an example, not only well known names.
coherence
Keep a clear idea in each paragraph and end it with a line that links to the next idea.
strength
Clear view on both sides with a fair balance.
strength
Good use of real life examples to back points.
strength
Shows the reader your own view in the end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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