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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some toddlers are using mobile phones for hours each day. Why this is the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Currently, phones are used by young
children
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 for several hours a day. The reason is that
parents
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 usually allow toddlers to use mobiles to keep them entertained.Indeed,
this
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 can be beneficial
due to
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wide
Correct article usage
the wide
show examples
 access to educational materials.
Parents
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 sometimes lack
time
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 to both complete their work and look after their
children
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 .
For
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this
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 reason , they have to occupy the kids' attention to gain some
time
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 to finish their work.
As a result
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, when
parents
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 frequently select
this
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 option,
parents
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 forget about the problem , and they get used to it.
This
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 is the way many
parents
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 choose nowadays ,
due to
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 a wide range of content on the phone , so they can be sure that their child will be entertained without their engagement.
For instance
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, there are chores which ,in general, consume about 2-3 hours a day.
Additionally
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, the job takes at least half of the day , so there is no free
time
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 for
parents
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 to rest and to spend
time
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 entertaining their kids.
Although
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 many people consider that overuse of phones is damaging, there is one main advantage
-
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:
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 toddlers can learn about new things on the phone.Today, the internet is filled with various learning materials ,which can benefit
children
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's academic results in future and instil a passion towards education.Particularly,
children
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 could view some science-based cartoons,
such
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 as "Smeshariki", which teaches
children
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 about science in an easy and exciting way.
To conclude
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, elders let their
children
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to
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apply
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use mobile phones to entertain them
,
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apply
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while
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 they are busy, and
that is
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 a good thing because they can gain tons of useful knowledge ,surfing the internet

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Task response
Plan your answer. Have an intro that states your view, body with one idea each paragraph and a short end.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Use simple join words like and, but, because, so. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
Grammatical range and accuracy
Keep one idea in each paragraph and fix long sentences. Check small grammar and use short, simple forms.
Task response
Give one or two clear examples for how phones help and one for harm. Use short, real examples.
Grammar and accuracy
Watch time and numbers. Use correct form for hours and days. Use simple and clear numbers.
Lexical resource
Use common words. Do not use long or hard words. Make the text easy to read.
Idea
The essay shows the idea that phones can help learning.
Development
It gives a reason why parents may let kids use phones.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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