IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
Change preposition
of individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 view that
mostly
Use the right word
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, the age at which pupils retire from duty should be increased
highly
Rephrase
significantly
show examples
. I do agree completely that
Use synonyms
man
Correct article usage
a man
show examples
 living much longer
do work
Wrong verb form
works
show examples
 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement because after
retirement
Punctuation problem
retirement,
show examples
 they
enjoy
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
show examples
 the remaining days of his
life
Use synonyms
 with
our
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 family,
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 a big amount of money
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
becomes more
respect full for
Replace the word
respectful of
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
. The most compelling reason for holding to my view is that
man
Use synonyms
celebrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
celebrates
show examples
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 days of
life
Use synonyms
 with his family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a
man
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
our
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
life
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earning some pieces of paper
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 he
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
our
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 golden time on it
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
 gets
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 income
at the end
Linking Words
 month.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 he jumps
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 age of 55 to 60 than he earns mostly money
its
Punctuation problem
, its
show examples
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reason he gains knowledge or
experience
Punctuation problem
experience,
show examples
 along he wins the
true
Use the right word
trust
show examples
 of the
people
Use synonyms
. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, they spend
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and good days. Now, we are coming back
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
 next main point
Use synonyms
man
Punctuation problem
: man
show examples
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
show examples
 respect in his whole
life
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, whenever do work with honesty and talk with other
people
Use synonyms
kingly
Replace the word
kindly
show examples
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
man
Use synonyms
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
show examples
 respect, links and some
goods friend
Fix the agreement mistake
good friends
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, he spends his
last
Linking Words
 day of his
life
Use synonyms
 in peace and
happily
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
. In conclusion, we can see that
every thing
Use the right word
everything
show examples
 that
present
Verb problem
is present
show examples
 in
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 both point it means that it has positive points
as well as
Linking Words
 negative
.
Check wording
points.
show examples
In contrast
Linking Words
, I prefer in which
with agree
Correct word order
agree with
show examples
 points because it has some positive
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
. In
stance
Check wording
this sense
show examples
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 financial benefits, your
life
Use synonyms
makes
Verb problem
becomes
show examples
 better or health.

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task
Make your view clear in the first line and keep it the same to the end.
task
Give 2 or 3 simple reasons and a short example for each.
coherence
Use links like first, also, then, but to help the reader follow.
structure
Make each paragraph about one idea. Start with that idea and add a short detail.
grammar
Check small grammar: use correct verb form and simple sentences.
lexical
Choose easy, common words. Avoid hard terms or long phrases.
focus
The writer shows a clear wish to agree with the view.
content
The text tries to give reasons for the view, not just say it.
structure
There is effort to talk about life after work and respect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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