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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say parent should encourage their children to participate in team activities in the free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss and give your opinion.

There is a contentious issue about the behaviour of
children
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 regarding spending their leisure
time
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. Some believe that promoting the
children
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 to join organised team
activities
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 is most vital,
while
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 others emphasise the importance of encouraging the
children
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 to deal with independent
activities
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.
Although
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 each perspectives have its own unique benefits for juveniles, in my point of view, parents need to balance between engaging in group engagements and occupying their
time
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 on their own. On the one hand, spending
time
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 in collaboration with other
children
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 plays a crucial role for minors in the management of their professional and personal development.
Moreover
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, integrating team-based operations helps to develop various social skills,
such
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 as cooperation, teamwork and leadership. Teamwork skills and coordination bring out several major contributions , like effective communication and empathy , for their future professional journey within a group .
On the other hand
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, the mother and father of juveniles need to consider the importance of independent pursuits for them.
Likewise
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, it is vital that
while
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 structuring the blocks, cognitive challenges
such
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 as different puzzles promote the ability of problem-solving abilities, to regulate
time
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 and devise different games without external guidance. As they use their imagination and creativity to keep themselves engaged in solitary
activities
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 like coding, writing and designing.
Additionally
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, independent games foster creativity , critical thinking and self-reliance in a child to be accomplished in the future.
To sum up
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, there is a dilemma between two groups whether the minors should spend
time
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 independently or in engaged team
activities
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.I firmly believe that parents should
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 a harmonious balance between these two approaches, as each offers significant benefits that are crucial for the holistic development of
children
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 in today's rapidly changing and unpredictable environment.

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task response
Be clear in what you want to say in the first line of the essay and again in the last line. This shows you answer the prompt well.
grammar
Use short, direct sentences. Try to keep one idea per sentence.
coherence
Put ideas in a clear order. Use 'first', 'then', 'and' to move ideas.
task response
Give one or two real examples for each idea to show proof.
task response
You show a clear view and you talk about both sides.
coherence
You use sign words to show steps, like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
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