IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

There are various parenting styles in
this
Linking Words
 world. Some people
adapts
Verb problem
adopt
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
easy going
Use the right word
easy-going
show examples
 parenting style, where
kids
Use synonyms
 can get what they want and
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
 what they are interested in. I do not think it's beneficial to
kids
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the negative
impace
Correct your spelling
impact
 on their growth.
Linking Words
Firstly
Replace the word
First
show examples
 of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood influences the formation of
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 person's personality a lot. If someone
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 used to
get and act
Wrong verb form
acting
show examples
whatever
Correct word choice
however
show examples
 they want all the time, he/she might assume other people, including their
classmate
Fix the agreement mistake
classmates
show examples
 or
stranger
Fix the agreement mistake
strangers
show examples
, will react
the exactly
Correct word order
exactly the
show examples
 same way. They might
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 a self-centred personality and
less
Verb problem
be less
show examples
 likely to consider the
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 and impact of their action. More importantly, they are more likely to commit
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as stealing or robbery, after they
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
audlt
Correct your spelling
adults
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, youths who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy going
Use the right word
easy-going
show examples
partents
Correct your spelling
parents
 are less likely to perform well in the academic field. Studying is boring from the beginning. It
nomally
Correct your spelling
normally
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 a long time and huge effort before receiving
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 result. If parents do not give clear direction and express their
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
, their
kids
Use synonyms
 are not likely to spend time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying. It will limit their academic achievement
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
Correct pronoun usage
their chance
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chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 to be educated
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, they will have limited
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 after they grow up. All in all, I think letting
kids
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
act and own whatever they want is not beneficial to their growth. It has negative impacts on their personality and academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
. I think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society should find another way to educate
kids
Use synonyms
 in
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
 and effective way.

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task response
Your answer has the main idea but you need more proof and detail to show why the idea is true.
task response
Make a plan for your essay. Use one idea per paragraph. Give a clear plan of what you want to say.
coherence and cohesion
Link each idea with clear links. Use words like also, but, so to show how ideas go with each other.
coherence and cohesion
Check the spell and the use of words. Then your text is easy to read.
content
The essay shows the view that too much freedom can hurt growth.
structure
There is a closing line that sums up the view.
cohesion
It uses some linking words to show sequence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
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