IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, people's life expectancy is much higher than before.Some people believe that older people should continue to work. What extent do agree or disagree?

In
this
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 era of modernisation, a
signicantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 higher number of
people
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 contend that as the lifespan of individuals is increasing nowadays,
seniors
Fix the agreement mistake
senior
show examples
 citizens need to be allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 .It is crucial to consider if they are the sole
bread-runner
Use the right word
breadwinner
show examples
 of the family. From my perspective, I ardently support
this
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 assertion
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I will elucidate my position in the ensuing paragraphs
culminating
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, culminating
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 in a well-founded conclusion. To substantiate my alignment
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the aforementioned notion, I
firlmly
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that
continuation
Correct article usage
the continuation
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
 can provide
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 possible benefits. To exemplify, in my household, my grandfather had been the only person to run the family back in time, he had to bear the expenses of five of his children, my father had been just 7 years old when my
grand father
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grandfather
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 had retired.
As a result
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, the entire family went through
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
extortionately
Replace the word
extremely
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 painful period of poverty. If only
,
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apply
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 he could
work
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 sometime more, he could
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 family commitments
at
Change preposition
to
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 a greater extent .
Furthermore
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, having their own income would effectively make them independent .
For instance
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, in today's era, it is not guaranteed that they are well looked after by their children.There have been reports of physical and mental abuse in newsletters. Expanding upon some of the other corroborating factors for my agreement with the statement, having a job can take their mind off things
,
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.
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 I have come across old
people
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 who indulge themselves in unnecessary activities like gambling, gossiping.
Consequently
Linking Words
,light
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 can prevent these issues substantially. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that old
people
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 working is nugatory and
non viable
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non-viable
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, I am of the opposite opinion. I am of the conviction that the arguments mentioned in the
above mentioned
Use the right word
above-mentioned
show examples
 paragraphs strongly bolster my viewpoint. The multifaceted nature of the topic requires significant consideration, and after weighing the evidence, it is apparent that continuing
work
Use synonyms
 is the most logical stance to adopt in the context of our ever-changing world.

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topic
Stay on the topic. Some lines talk about things not in the question.
structure
Use short, simple sentences. Try one idea per sentence.
coherence
Use clear links to show how ideas go from one to next (for example: first..., then..., because...).
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Fix big mistakes like signic, bread-runner, extortionately.
paragraphing
Use 4 paragraphs: intro, two body parts, conclusion.
strength
You take a clear view and keep to it.
strength
Some real life examples are used to show a point.
strength
Link words like Furthermore and Consequently are used in places.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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