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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The lines graph gives data about the number of users of five different communication worldwide from 1998 to 2008.

The lines graph gives data about the number of users of five different communication worldwide from 1998 to 2008.
The given line graph depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 using different types of communication between the year 1998 to 2008 around the world. 
Overall
Linking Words
, cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 quite popular and used maximally during the survey
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 using landline and internet service demonstrated an upward trend as opposed to the downward trend exhibited by the fixed broadband.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1998, all of the users started off at 5
people
Use synonyms
except
Punctuation problem
, except
show examples
 the landline users
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 were
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15. For cellphone service, the figures showed a dramatic rise
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20
people
Use synonyms
 and 42
people
Use synonyms
 during 2002 and
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
 respectively
before
Punctuation problem
, before
show examples
 it peaked
off
Change preposition
at
show examples
 65 in 2008.
Similarly
Linking Words
, values for internet service users showed a steady rise of 11
people
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and 20
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 eventually, these figures show saturation at
this
Linking Words
 level. Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of consumers for landline
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 15 in 1998, these values
executed
Verb problem
experienced
show examples
 a gradual rise before peaking
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at 20 in 2006, after which they
were
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 maintained till 2008.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 using fixed broadband
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 nil until 2004, post which they showed a minimal increase
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
until 2008.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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