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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that all law breakers should be put into prison while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
society
Use synonyms
, many individuals have
perspective that the
Correct word order
the perspective that
show examples
criminals
Use synonyms
 should be put in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
. to keep them away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. In contrast, others have
view
Replace the word
viewed
show examples
 that there can be
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
ways
Use synonyms
 to punish them
instead
Linking Words
 of the
Use synonyms
life time
Use the right word
lifetime
show examples
 sentencing. In my opinion, i think there can be alternative
ways
Use synonyms
 to punish them. On one side of the argument, there are many people who hold the opinion that all law breakers should be kept in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
. The most compelling reason for holding
this
Linking Words
 point is that, by keeping them in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
jail
Punctuation problem
jail,
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 the
governmment
Correct your spelling
government
 can control them and could have the opportunity to keep an eye on them.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 through
this
Linking Words
 method, the state can keep the
crinimals
Correct your spelling
criminals
 away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the security department can increase the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of fear among the citizens by keeping them in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
Use synonyms
life
Check wording
for their
show examples
time
Use the right word
lifetime
show examples
, to avoid crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, almost 90% of the
criminals
Use synonyms
sentenced
Verb problem
are sentenced
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 to
life
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
jail
Check wording
imprisonment
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other punishments.
This
Linking Words
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to keep an eye on them and keep them away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that there can be other
ways
Use synonyms
 to punish the
criminals
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of jailing them. These
ways
Use synonyms
 can be, sentence to death or sentence to do certain work for
life
Use synonyms
time
Use the right word
lifetime
show examples
 without any payment under the
government
Use synonyms
.
Indead
Correct your spelling
Indeed
, the
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
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why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 pick
this
Linking Words
 point is that by sentencing
criminals
Use synonyms
 to
death
Punctuation problem
death,
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 the
government
Use synonyms
 can save its budget that
spended
Wrong verb form
is spent
show examples
 on the
jail
Use synonyms
 and use
this
Linking Words
 on other welfare projects.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by taking work from them with free of
cost
Punctuation problem
cost,
show examples
 the
govertment
Correct your spelling
government
 would
enable
Use the right word
be able
show examples
 to have free labour like in ancient societies. In a practical
life
Use synonyms
, North Korea is one of those
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sentencing to death or taking free work
instead
Linking Words
 of
keepin
Correct your spelling
keeping
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both views
held
Verb problem
are held
show examples
 in
society
Use synonyms
, I am of the view that there can be other alternatives to punish the
criminals
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of jailing them.
This
Linking Words
 can save a lot of budget of the
government
Use synonyms
 that
spended
Verb problem
was spent
show examples
 on
jail
Use synonyms
. In general, it is suggested to the
government
Use synonyms
 that it should adopt
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
ways
Use synonyms
 to punish the lawbreakers
instead
Linking Words
 of
life
Use synonyms
 sentencing.

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structure
Plan your essay. Say what you will discuss in the intro, then keep to that plan in the body, and end with a clear view in the conclusion.
task-response
Make your point clear from the start and repeat your view in the end to show stance.
content
Give strong, real examples and explain how they back your point.
language
Use simple sentences. Check spelling and grammar so your meaning is clear.
coherence
Use linking words to show how points connect, like however, for example, and therefore.
content
The essay tries to show both sides.
structure
There is a conclusion with a clear view.
content
Some examples are used to back up ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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