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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.

The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.
The charts illustrate the percentage of
vaious
Correct your spelling
various
 age
people
Use synonyms
 who buy
concert
Use synonyms
,
cinema
Use synonyms
, and
theatre
Use synonyms
 tickets
group
Replace the word
grouped
show examples
 by different countries and the proportion of the way how
people
Use synonyms
 book
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 online during
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 3 months
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
left
Correct article usage
the left
show examples
 bar chart
demostrates
Correct your spelling
demonstrates
 the different
counteries
Correct your spelling
countries
 individuals purchasing
concert
Use synonyms
,
cinema
Use synonyms
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
 tickets
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 grouped by age.
According to
Linking Words
 the charts, young
people
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
intersting
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
Use synonyms
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
,
cinema
Use synonyms
, and
theatre
Use synonyms
 in all countries
without
Change preposition
except
show examples
 Malaysia.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 tend to use
desktop
Correct article usage
a desktop
show examples
 computer
book
Verb problem
to book
show examples
Use synonyms
ticket
Correct article usage
a ticket
show examples
. It can be obviously seen that the proportion of young
people
Use synonyms
 who attended
Use synonyms
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
,
Use synonyms
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
show examples
 was higher than senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in Australia and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, both of them over 50%. The
attending
Replace the word
attendance
show examples
 rate of
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 in Australia and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 was between 40% to 50%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Malaysia had
Correct article usage
an opposited
show examples
opposited
Correct your spelling
opposite
 situation, the percentage of old individuals who purchased
thicket
Use the right word
tickets
show examples
higher
Verb problem
was higher
show examples
 than
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
. Another salient point from
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 chart is that the rate of individuals who buy
Use synonyms
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 with
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 countries
higher
Verb problem
is higher
show examples
 than those who
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Correct article usage
a latop
show examples
latop
Correct your spelling
laptop
 and
Correct article usage
a moblie
show examples
moblie
Correct your spelling
mobile
 phone.
Accordig
Correct your spelling
According
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 chart, over 55% of
people
Use synonyms
 use
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
booked
Wrong verb form
to book
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
ticket
Use synonyms
.
Additionly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who book the
concert
Use synonyms
ticket
Use synonyms
 through a laptop is the second
largets
Use the right word
largest
show examples
 part of all methods.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, concert, cinema, theatre, ticket with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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