The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer good in 2010. (pounds sterling)

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer good in 2010. (pounds sterling)
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer good in 2010. (pounds sterling)
The bar chart illustrates statistics about the consumption of various merchandise which purchased by citizens of
France
Use synonyms
and the
UK
Use synonyms
in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is immediately apparent that computers and perfumes
were taken
Verb problem
made
show examples
more money in
France
Use synonyms
than
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
individuals spent more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
cars, books and cameras in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
than French citizens.
To begin
Linking Words
with, French people
expended
Verb problem
spent
show examples
more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
computers than English citizens
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
approximately 370,000 and 350,000 respectively.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, customers from
France
Use synonyms
spent 200,000 sterling
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
parfume
Correct your spelling
perfume
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
was only almost 150,000
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
show examples
in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentages for cars were similar for both
France
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
at 400,000 and 450,000
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
consumers separated more budget for books
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
was around 410,000 sterling,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it was only 300,000 in
France
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the bar chart showed that there was a big difference
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the amount of expenditure for cameras between
France
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
was 150,000 and 350,000
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
show examples
, respectively.
As a result
Linking Words
,
difference
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
was around 43%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words france, uk with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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