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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows three types of sports that has mostly played between 1985 and 2005

the graph below shows three types of sports that has mostly played between 1985 and 2005
The provided line graph illustrates the four different types of sports, basketball,
tennis
Use synonyms
,
badminton
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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Use synonyms
rugby
Punctuation problem
rugby,
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 played over a period of 20 years from 1985 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
rugby
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 had the highest number of
people
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 in the
year
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 1985, and these numbers gradually declined to 50 in 2005.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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tennis
Use synonyms
exhibit
Correct subject-verb agreement
exhibits
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 an upward trend starting with 150
people
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 in 1985, reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
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more than 200 in 2005. Another notable incident is that both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tennis
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 and
rugby
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 had an equal number of
people
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played
Wrong verb form
playing
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 in the
year
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 1995. Each of 200 individuals
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 engaged in
rugby
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 and
tennis
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 for that
year
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
badminton
Use synonyms
 and basketball remained still throughout the years
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 no notable increase or decrease
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 demonstrated by these sports. A little over 50
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 enjoyed playing
badminton
Use synonyms
 from 1985 until 2005
,
Punctuation problem
;
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similarly
Linking Words
, a maximum of 50
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 played
basket ball
Use the right word
basketball
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 in the entire period.
Rugby
Use synonyms
 was the most played sport in 1985
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 its popularity reduced to 50
people
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Rugby
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 and
badminton
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 were the least participated
activity
Check wording
in activities
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 in 2005,
whereas
Linking Words
tennis
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 the most popular sport in the same
year
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words tennis, badminton, rugby, people, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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