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Band 4.5

The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritiues from 1985 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers in Mauritiues from 1985 to 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
Intrduction
Correct your spelling
Introduction
. The line graph compares the changes in the amount of fast food consumed by teenagers in Vietnam between 1990 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
. The
consumption
Use synonyms
 of pizza and
ice-cream
Use the right word
ice cream
show examples
 increased,
while
Linking Words
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of fried chicken declined over the period. Body 1: In 1990, fried chicken was eaten 100
times
Use synonyms
 per year.
This
Linking Words
 number decreased to around 75
times
Use synonyms
 in 1995,
then
Linking Words
 rose slightly in 2000.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 fell steadily to 40
times
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the figure started
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from around 5
times
Use synonyms
 in 1990,
then
Linking Words
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increased steadily
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 85
times
Use synonyms
 in 2015. Regarding
ice-cream's
Check wording
ice-cream
show examples
Use synonyms
consumption
Add a comma
consumption,
show examples
 it grew gradually about 10
times
Use synonyms
 to 100
times
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1990 to 100
times
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, between 1990 and 2015, the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of ice cream and pizza among Vietnamese teenagers rose sharply,
while
Linking Words
 the popularity of fried chicken declined significantly, resulting in ice cream becoming the most consumed fast food item by the end of the period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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