IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, students in rural areas have less access to quality education. Some people think the government should spend more money on improving facilities in rural schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, there has been a widespread discussion regarding the issue of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack of
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 quality education in rural
schools
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that the authority should invest more
money
Use synonyms
 in constructing better
facilities
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 in rural
schools
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.
While
Linking Words
 others hold
a
Correct article usage
the
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 view that there’s no need to spend
money
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 on improving
facilities
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 in rural
schools
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.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, I firmly agree with the idea that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should pay more
money
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 for improving equipment in rural
schools
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. First of all, one of the primary reasons for my stance is that better educational
facilities
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 can help
students
Use synonyms
 to study better, especially in science courses. Research shows that
students
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 who have witnessed the experiments in real life can have
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 understanding of
science
Replace the word
scientific
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phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
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.
For instance
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,
students
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 in well-known universities who major in physics and chemistry always have the chemical courses after
theory
Correct article usage
the theory
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 course.
This
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 clearly shows that better educational
facilities
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 can have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on rural
students
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to
Check wording
'
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 understand
science
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of science
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knowledge
Check wording
apply
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.
Furthermore
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, another compelling reason is that investing
money
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 better
facilities
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 in rural
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 has a high return on investment. Rural
students
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 will have more
chance
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chances
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 to develop diverse talents with better
facilities
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 in school,
there
Correct word choice
and there
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 will be more talented people
dedicate
Wrong verb form
dedicated
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themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to the country. To illustrate, Yuan Longping, the father of rice in China, grew up in the countryside since childhood, and devoted his whole life
on
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to
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 Chinese rice development.
This
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 furtherly
confirm
Correct subject-verb agreement
confirms
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 that it’s
worthy
Correct word choice
worthwhile
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 for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 to invest
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 educational
facilities
Use synonyms
 in rural
schools
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, though there are different opinions on
this
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 issue, I firmly believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should pay more
money
Use synonyms
 for improving equipment in rural
schools
Use synonyms
, because
this
Linking Words
 can not only let
Use synonyms
students’
Check wording
students
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 study better, but
also
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 have a high return.
Therefore
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is better for the authority to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on
facilities
Use synonyms
 in rural
schools
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it as the main aim of your essay.
task response
Add more strong and varied examples to show your points.
coherence
Use simple linking words to make ideas flow.
Check grammar and spell words like
strength
You take a clear view and answer the question.
strength
You use an example about a real person to back up your point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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