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Band 7

The provided line chart depicts the rate of citizens living in urban spaces of four countries in Asia over the course of 70 years, beginning from 1970

The provided line chart depicts the rate of citizens living in urban spaces of four countries in Asia over the course of 70 years, beginning from 1970
The provided line graph illustrates the proportion of the
population
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 in four
countries
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 (Philippines,
Malaysia
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, Thailand, and Indonesia) between 1970 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
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's
population
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 was the highest,
while
Linking Words
 Thailand's total
population
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 was the lowest. The other three
countries
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 experienced considerable growth over the
70
Correct word choice
past 70
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 years. At the beginning of the period, in 1970,
Malaysia
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's inhabitants
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the highest among all
countries
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, it began at around 30% and
then
Linking Words
 peaked at 80% in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the starting number of total
population
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 in Indonesia was
at
Change preposition
apply
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around 15%, after which the figure gradually increased to about 30% in 2000, before reaching a peak at 60% in 2040.
In addition
Linking Words
, Indonesia came
second,
Linking Words
with figures slightly lower than those of
Malaysia
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
Philippines's
Check wording
Philippines'
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population
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 began at about 32%, after which the figure steadily increased to about 50%, but
then
Linking Words
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of the Philippines experienced fluctuations over the period given.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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total
population
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 in Thailand began at about 18% and
then
Linking Words
 steadily climbed
at
Change preposition
to
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 around 48%, but it remained the lowest among the four
countries
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 by the end of the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, countries, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provided" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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