IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that students in charge of
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 for their studies in
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 education system themselves,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it
influences positively
Correct word order
positively influences
show examples
 only individuals
instead
Linking Words
 of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and will express my thoughts in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One main reason why people think that after
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduation, a person can be useless
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is that these days it is becoming more and more popular to run private businesses. It opens doors of abundant opportunities for those who own private companies
Linking Words
together
Punctuation problem
, together
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 with the wealth which they can earn,
while
Linking Words
 employee who is the source of
this
Linking Words
 wealth,
carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
 out the most important part of the work.
Said that
Correct word order
That said
show examples
, they
firstly
Linking Words
 think about their own profit, without paying enough attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how to assist
remained
Wrong verb form
the remaining
show examples
 part of the community.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is worth mentioning that no matter what kind of help we can offer to others, they still will be thinking about how to benefit themselves.
This
Linking Words
 might be related to our nature of human beings, that rarely
can be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
changeable.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is still a population who fill the working places and serve as much as possible, putting
all
Change preposition
in all
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 efforts.
For example
Linking Words
, teachers today
in
Verb problem
are in
show examples
 a huge demand
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as nurses
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they bring a vast responsibility for education and
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
 of people
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. Without them, the life flow would be
destructed
Verb problem
destroyed
show examples
, since the number of people suffering from illiteracy and illness will be
raising
Use the right word
rising
show examples
. And praising them with free higher education can be the way to say thanks.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
even
Correct article usage
an even
show examples
 bigger number of workers whose role is crucial for keeping the balance. The potential police officers, firemen, safeguards and so on, who
also
Linking Words
 have needs to study and some of them
even might
Correct word order
might even
show examples
 be in a situation
when
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they cannot afford it, since those who
tormented
Verb problem
are tormented
show examples
 by poverty still exist. In conclusion, I acknowledge
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that sometimes individuals intending to study at university cannot be beneficial for society, but when their jobs are related to helping others, it is undoubtedly becomes a priority to support them, at least with funding.

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structure
Plan your essay in four parts: intro, two body parts, and a short end.
stance
Make your view clear in the first line of the intro and again in the end.
coherence
Use link words to join ideas: and, but, also, for example.
content
Give exact examples that fit your view and stay on one point in each paragraph.
language
Check grammar and spelling; keep sentence length under control.
language
Keep ideas simple; do not use long and hard sentences.
stance
The essay shows you have a view on the topic.
content
You give some examples that fit the topic.
structure
The ending states your own view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: