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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people allow old people to work to any age they want. Do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages

There is a view that in several countries, the old generation is allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 until any age they want.
While
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 there are some advantages to having jobs for older people, it provides significant problems for the younger generation. The advantage of working after retirement is that it allows them to build a strong financial position in their life.
While
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 seniors are working, they will always have a stable salary to feed their family and sometimes spend money on themselves. These kinds of unique working laws are popular among Australian
residents
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, as there are no limits for them in terms of working in ordinary jobs
such
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 as a taxi driver, an office worker or even a pilot.
However
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, Australian authorities prohibit
residents
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 from working after 60 in several professions,
such
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 as law and the military.
Therefore
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, in some cases , working after the late 50s allows seniors to earn money and improve financial stability. Despite
this
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 advantages, if elderly
residents
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 continue to
work
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 after superannuation, it will bring more troubles in finding jobs for recently graduated students.
As a result
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, heads of young families will be in demand for
work
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.
Also
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, by hiring elderly workers,
work
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 efficiency and productivity of companies will gradually fall, because their health will not be able to adjust to the high speed in working workplace.
Therefore
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 incomes of the company will fall, unless old people retire from
work
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.
For example
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, companies in Andorra have the lowest incomes in the world in comparison to well-developed countries like China or Japan. Lastlast but not least downside of allowing old
residents
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 to
work
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 is that it will fully block opportunities to identify young workers with incredible talent and working skills.
Thus
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, the restriction to
work
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 after 60 has more beneficial sides than downsides. In conclusion, despite some financial benefits for older people, it might bring more troubles to
work
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 as it has negative effects on companies' income, young workers , and
also
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 it will reduce
work
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 efficiency and performance.

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task response
Plan your answer. Say your view right in the first paragraph, then give two or three ideas that support it.
coherence cohesion
Make the text easy to read. Use simple idea in each part and link them with short words like and, but, also.
task response
Give one or two good examples and explain them simply so the reader can see your point.
coherence cohesion
Check facts. If you say a country has a law, be sure it is true or keep it general.
task response
You state a clear view that keeping all old people to work has more problems.
coherence
There is a clear end that restates the view.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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