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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above, and below the surface of the earth.

The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above, and below the surface of the earth.
The diagram illustrates a consistent movement,
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
 cycle
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it depicts how
water
Use synonyms
 flows on, above, and under the earth. Once
water
Use synonyms
 precipitates on the surface of our planet, it becomes a
recycle
Replace the word
recycled
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 resource we use every day. Through accumulation,
water
Use synonyms
 will become lakes and rivers.
While
Linking Words
 some of them run
down
Change preposition
off
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 the earth, which is surface runoff, others set off
impervious
Correct article usage
an impervious
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 layer.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 process,
this
Linking Words
 underground
water
Use synonyms
 is intruded by salt, changing into
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, 80% of
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
vapors
Use the right word
vapour
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 in
air
Correct article usage
the air
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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converting
Wrong verb form
converts
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 into
cloud
Fix the agreement mistake
clouds
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.
This
Linking Words
 operation is
also
Linking Words
 called evaporation. Once the air condenses
water
Use synonyms
vapor
Use the right word
vapour
show examples
 enough, it
formats
Verb problem
forms
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cloud
Fix the agreement mistake
clouds
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,
then
Linking Words
 precipitates again, forming our constant
water
Use synonyms
 cycle.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some part of
water
Use synonyms
 transforms as snow in mountain or
high latitudes
Use the right word
high-latitude
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 regions,
instead
Linking Words
 of rain,
such
Linking Words
 as Russia.
Although
Linking Words
 it converts to earth through snow, the other process of
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
 cycle is still the same, running below the surface, becoming the ocean, being evaporated and condensed again.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • evaporation
  • transpiration
  • condensation
  • precipitation
  • aquifers
  • percolation
  • surface runoff
  • replenishing
  • infiltrates
  • atmosphere
  • vapor
  • liquid
  • cycle
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