IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

A growing trend
about
Change preposition
of
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 having cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 in order to be more good-looking is widespread in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. There are several underlying causes for
this
Linking Words
 tendency
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I believe
this
Linking Words
 development is harmful for people’s physical health
as well as
Linking Words
 their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. One major reason lies in the external pressures from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Marketing campaigns deliberately spread unrealistic
beauty
Use synonyms
 standards, leading people to believe that certain traits are desirable. At the same time, there exist deep-rooted social prejudices which
favours
Correct subject-verb agreement
favour
show examples
 some features
while
Linking Words
 dismissing others. Those aforementioned factors together
reform
Verb problem
form
show examples
 rigid perceptions that make others feel inadequate if they do not match any preferred characteristics. Another justification stems from the internal reactions of individuals when confronting
such
Linking Words
 external ones. Those with insecure traits or low self-esteem will exhibit deep resentment for their undesired
beauty
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 tendency drives them to spend an enormous amount of money in order to undergo cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 with the hope
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 altering their outer
apperances
Correct your spelling
appearance
.
While
Linking Words
 cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 can bring
temporary
Correct article usage
a temporary
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 sense of pride regarding one’s appearance, it
also
Linking Words
 poses potential psychological threats
as well as
Linking Words
 physical risks. As the nature of cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 is the deliberate intervention to modify one’s body, there is always a possibility of unexpected complications
such
Linking Words
 as bleeding, cardiovascular or respiratory complications, or even fatal outcomes. When it comes to psychological threats, an obsession with flawless
beauty
Use synonyms
 can spark constant anxiety in people whenever they are in
social
Correct article usage
a social
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background
Check wording
setting
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can make them suffer from depression
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is not good for their long-term well-being. In conclusion, the pressure to catch up with
beauty
Use synonyms
 standards is the main factor leading to the widespread
of
Check wording
use of
show examples
 cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the blind pursuit of unrealistic standards can lead to serious consequences for both mental and physical health.

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structure
Add a clear line for each idea. Make one idea per paragraph and use a linking sentence to show how it connects to your view.
development
Give short, real examples to show your point about pressure and money used for work on looks.
grammar
Check verb tenses and end marks. Break long sentences and fix comma use to be easy to read.
lexical resource
Use only common words. Avoid long, rare words so the message is easy to read.
task response
The writer states a clear view from the start.
coherence
Link words help show cause and effect.
structure
There is a plan: intro, two body parts, and a closing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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