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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who buy
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who drink
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 in five different cities in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were mostly similar and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks in
Melbourn
Use the right word
Melbourne
show examples
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
 , the small
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in Brisbane and Adelaide
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
with
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 who bought fresh
tea
Use synonyms
 and
coffee
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
 the high
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Hobart
Use synonyms
, the low
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in
r
Check wording
the rest
show examples
. First and foremost, the high number was 63% and 62% of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks in
Melbourn
Use the right word
Melbourne
show examples
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
.
Furthermost
Use the right word
Furthermore
show examples
, the
low
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 number was 34% in Brisbane and Adelaide
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
with
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who bought fresh
tea
Use synonyms
 and
coffee
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
 the high
percentage
Use synonyms
 was approximately 54%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Hobart
Use synonyms
, the low
percentage
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 46% was in Sydney.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, people, coffee, tea, hobart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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