IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money

Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the main reason for working hard is to earn
much
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. It is true that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in
people
Use synonyms
’s lives because it helps them to meet their needs and improve their living standards.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that,
while
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 is a strong motivation, there are
also
Linking Words
 other fundamental reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 work hard. Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are used to working hard every day because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they want to achieve financial freedom. Financial income is essential because it allows individuals to cover daily expenses, properly support their family and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid of lacking
money
Use synonyms
 and living in poverty
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they are ready to move to another developing country in order to earn a better income.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, certain
people
Use synonyms
 think another and they are motivated by hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 because they want to achieve great success in their career.
For instance
Linking Words
, their aim is to become well-known and respected individuals
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as scientists or wise leaders. Their goal is not only to build a great career,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 they
desire
Rephrase
also desire
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 to contribute to society by inventing new technologies, developing their country, solving global issues and creating ultra-modern inventions that provide many useful
comfort
Fix the agreement mistake
comforts
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 living better. In conclusion, even though many
people
Use synonyms
 see
money
Use synonyms
 as the main motivation for working hard, others are inspired by the desire for
succuss
Use the right word
success
show examples
 and progress. From my standpoint, working hard should not only be aimed at achieving financial stability, but
also
Linking Words
 contribute to the development of society. Ultimately, by setting clear goals in the right direction,
people
Use synonyms
 can achieve both personal success and financial freedom.

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task response
Make your main point clear at the start of the essay and keep to one main idea per paragraph.
language
Use short, easy sentences. Each paragraph should hold one main idea that supports your view.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like and, because, but, for example to help flow.
grammar
Watch for small grammar and spelling errors and fix them (for example, succuss -> success, hard working -> working hard).
content
Give a simple, real example so the reader can see your view well.
content
There is a clear view and the writer tries to show both money and other reasons.
structure
The end sums up the idea and ends with a message.
task response
The piece shows effort to give two sides and a final view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
What to do next:
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