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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the highest qualification attained by sex for the working age population in wales in 2001/2002.

The bar chart shows the highest qualification attained by sex for the working age population in wales in 2001/2002.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 education
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
obtained by both genders for working age individuals in Wales between 2001 to 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
GCE
Use synonyms
 and
GCSE
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 significantly different between
males
Use synonyms
 and females.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
others
Check wording
others'
show examples
 qualifications only had
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly distinguish
Replace the word
slight distinction
show examples
 between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
gendars
Correct your spelling
genders
. It can
obvioisly
Correct your spelling
obviously
seen
Verb problem
be seen
show examples
 that the highest two
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 of all
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
GCE
Use synonyms
 and
GCSE
Use synonyms
. Both of them had
Correct article usage
a remarkable
show examples
remarkable
Replace the word
remarkably
show examples
 unbalanced ratio between females and
males
Use synonyms
. The
males
Use synonyms
 who had
Use synonyms
GCE
Correct article usage
a GCE
show examples
 qualification
almost
Verb problem
were almost
show examples
 twice
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 females
nearly
Punctuation problem
, nearly
show examples
 30%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 having
GCSE
Use synonyms
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 were 2 times
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
Use synonyms
males
Change preposition
of males
show examples
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
also
Linking Words
 achieved almost 30%. Another salient point is that
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 qualifications'
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 were lower than
GCE
Use synonyms
 and
GCSE
Use synonyms
, and all of them between 7% to 14%. It is
also
Linking Words
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to note that the people who
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 any qualifications still occupied
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 amount of all.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words gce, gcse, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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