IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Individuals often debate whether regular
exercise
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 or a balanced
diet
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 is more important for maintaining good health. Both sides present strong arguments, which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. I will
also
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 explain why I believe that eating a nutritious
diet
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 plays a more crucial role.
Firstly
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, physical activity helps to keep the
body
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 in shape.
Exercise
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 regulates
body
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 fat and blood sugar levels, enhances muscle and joint flexibility, and boosts metabolism, all of which reduce the risk of chronic diseases.
In addition
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, it strengthens the heart by improving blood circulation and reducing fatty deposits in the arteries.
For instance
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, medical research has shown that people who
exercise
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 regularly are less likely to develop cardiovascular conditions.
On the other hand
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, a balanced
diet
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 provides the
body
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 with the essential
nutrients
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 required for survival and growth. Without adequate nutrition, the
body
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 quickly becomes weak and prone to illness. Deficiencies in
nutrients
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 often manifest in serious conditions,
such
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 as kwashiorkor caused by a lack of protein or scurvy resulting from insufficient vitamin C.
Moreover
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, even an active person cannot maintain good health if their
diet
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 is poor. In my opinion,
diet
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 is more important because the
body
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 depends primarily on
nutrients
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 for energy and repair,
while
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exercise
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 can only be effective when supported by proper nourishment. A malnourished
body
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,
for example
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, will not have the strength to sustain physical activity. In conclusion,
although
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 both
exercise
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 and
diet
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 contribute to healthy living, I firmly believe that a balanced
diet
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 is more fundamental.
Therefore
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, greater emphasis should be placed on educating the public about eating meals that contain the essential
nutrients
Use synonyms
 required in the right proportions.

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task response
Task response: The essay gives two sides and a clear view. The opinion is in the end. To raise the score, state the view in the first paragraph too and keep it steady in the last paragraph. Add more exact links and more detail to ideas.
coherence
language
Language: Some sentences are long. Try to split long lines into short ones. Use simple, common words and short phrases to make it easy to read.
content
Clear view and good by two sides with a chosen main goal.
organization
Well built layout: intro, body, conclusion
coherence
Good use of linking words to join ideas
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Immune system
  • Mental well-being
  • Nutrients
  • Malnutrition
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Circulation
  • Nutrient distribution
  • Preventive health
  • Energy levels
  • Balanced diet
  • Essential nutrients
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