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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In recent years,
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duties
Correct article usage
the duties
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 of
children
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beside
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outside of
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school
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time
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is
Verb problem
have
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becoming
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become
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 increasingly controversial. There is a belief that all
the
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apply
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student
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students
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with
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of
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any
Correct determiner usage
all
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 ages should be assigned more responsibilities,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that
children
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 should
have
Verb problem
apply
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enjoy
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the moment
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moment
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moments
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 of
young age
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their youth
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 in their spare
time
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. From my perspective, I support the idea that
children
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 should be given extra
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works
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work
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 outside of
school
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. On the one hand, some
people
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 think that it is necessary for
children
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in
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of
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 every
ages
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age
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 to have extra
duties
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such
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 as household chores and volunteer
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works
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work
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. As young
people
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 will
become inevitably
Correct word order
inevitably become
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an
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apply
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adult
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adults
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 in the future
and
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, and
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 most
of
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apply
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grown up
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grown-up
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people
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 face several difficulties in their life from many responsibilities. So,
this
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 is a reason why youth should gain more
experiences
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experience
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 from other tasks outside of
school
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. If they have to perform extra
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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, they will learn more skills which important for their future.
In addition
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, having experiences of difficulties will lead to
indifferent
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indifference
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for
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to
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 new challenges, resulting in self-confidence
which
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, which
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 is
also
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 the essential key for
successful
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success
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 in the future.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 believe that
adolescenses
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 should enjoy their
time
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 after
school
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. It is true that playing is important for young
people
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 because their physical body is not completely developed. If they could play
such
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 as playing football with their friends, playing
hind
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hide
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 and seek, and even playing computer games, their body,
espacially
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especially
 their
brain
Punctuation problem
brain,
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 will be enhanced and discover their passions.
In stead
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Instead
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 of being
stressful
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stressed
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 with many responsibilities, they should have
time
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for
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to
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 build their own hobbies, friends and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 new chances.
As a result
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, their brain can fully
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
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 without
interfior
Verb problem
being interfered
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 with too much stressful the releated to negative impact
to
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on
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 their brain. In conclusion, I think youth should be assigned more
duties
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 not only
school
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works
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work
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, but
also
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 house chores or other
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works
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work
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 to develop their skills because in real life those skills require
time
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 to build them up
,
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;
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however
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,
children
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 should have
time
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 to rest because
event
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even
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adult
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adults
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, they still need
time
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 and space to
relex
Correct your spelling
relax
.
Thus
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,
children
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 should have
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 of both
duties
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 and
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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.

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language
Fix many grammar mistakes and word use to be clear.
structure
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and keep one main idea per paragraph.
content
Give specific examples to support each point and explain how they help the view.
content
Clear view is stated and you give your own opinion.
structure
The essay has an overall plan with four parts: opening, two bodies, and closing.
linguistic
There are several linking words to join ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
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