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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents by their children, a large number of choice to play with what are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

It is widely known that the majority of
parents
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 nowadays buy their little ones a vast
amount
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number
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 of
toys
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 in order to keep them entertained. So, what are the pros and cons for children to own a huge number of
toys
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?
This
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 essay will examine the benefits and
the
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apply
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drawbacks
to
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of
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this
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 pressing issue. On the one hand, it is
greatly
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widely
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 thought that there are many advantages for
kids
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 having a diverse collection of
toys
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. First of all, it makes little ones more creative and innovative, since it develops their mental and physical skills.
For instance
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, a study published by New York University in 2020 concluded that 90% of
kids
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 who own a huge
amount
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number
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 of entertainment gadgets were smarter
to solve
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at solving
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 problems in a creative, unusual way.
Therefore
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, having a lot of
toys
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 can elevate your
kids
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' knowledge and mental creativity.
On the other hand
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, it is commonly believed that there are
also
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 some disadvantages for
kids
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 having an enormous number of
toys
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.
Firstly
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, it can cause dissatisfaction and ignorance in the child's
behavior
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behaviour
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. In fact, when
parents
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 continuously keep buying all the
toys
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, their
kids
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' desire
it
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apply
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grows and results in negative
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 in their children. It allows them to be greedy and always expect more from their
parents
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.
Furthermore
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, it may
also
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 limit their imagination and their ability to set goals, since everything they ever dreamed of is provided by their
parents
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.
As a result
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, they develop poor
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 as they grow up. In conclusion,
this
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 essay has discussed both the advantages and disadvantages for
kids
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 having a large number of
toys
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. All in all, from my point of view, I strongly believe that it is a good idea for
parents
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 to buy their
kids
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toys
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, but with a logically balanced amount.

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planning
Plan your answer. Say what you will tell, tell it, then end with your view.
coherence
Use easy link words to show how ideas fit. Words like and, but, also, however, so.
content
Give more real proof or clear detail for each idea. A single example is not enough.
lexical
Check word choice. Use many instead of a big amount, grow into, etc. Keep to simple words.
grammar
Check grammar: fix awkward phrases and make sentences clear.
structure
The essay has a clear plan and good structure.
content
It shows both sides of the issue.
coherence
There are linking phrases to join ideas.
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