IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Topic 99: Although it is generally prohibited, corporal punishment persists in many families. Do you think corporal punishment is an acceptable way to regulate children’s behaviours?

The line graph illustrates the number of members for
varios
Correct your spelling
various
 activities at the specific social centre in Melbourne, Australia
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
participants
Use synonyms
 preferred
Use synonyms
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 music
Use synonyms
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
 showed the lowest indicators in the period 2000 to 2010. From 2000 to 2005, all categories remained stable.
Use synonyms
Film
Correct article usage
The film
show examples
club
Use synonyms
 had revealed the biggest number, which is about 65,
while
Linking Words
 martial arts were half as much.
Participants
Use synonyms
 showed the lowest
interes
Correct your spelling
interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 music
Use synonyms
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
 and table tennis, which are 0 and roughly 16, respectively. From 2005 to 2015, Amateur dramatics showed
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
show examples
 decrease and crossed table tennis in 2010, which is 20
participants
Use synonyms
. Martial arts and
film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 maintained almost the same levels,
whereas
Linking Words
 musical
Use synonyms
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
 experienced
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 increase, at about 15. From 2015 to 2020,
Amatuer
Correct your spelling
Amateur
 dramatics continued to fall,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to table tennis,
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
catched
Correct your spelling
caught
 up
film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
. By 2020, martial arts and musical
Use synonyms
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 chosen by 35 and 15
participants
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Make a short intro to say what the chart is and what you will show. Then give a short overview of the main trend. Then write about the steps in time order.
coherence
Use simple links to hold ideas together, like first, next, and in addition. Keep each paragraph about one idea and use the data from the chart in order.
data points
Some data are used from the graph.
overview
There is a try to give an overall view of the trend.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: