Social media affect attention span. So you agree or disagree?

There is
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a rumor
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rumor
Use the right word
rumour
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that social media leads to poor attention. I completely agree with
this
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statement and will provide facts in
this
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essay. There
are
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is
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many evidences
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much evidence
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of attention span
due to
Linking Words
the excessive use of social
medias
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media
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such
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as
tik tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
and
instagram reels
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Instagram Reels
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.
For example
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, the size of the downloaded videos
into tik tok
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on TikTok
is
maximum
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a maximum
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one
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of one
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minute and daily
scroll
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scrolling
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of the reels leads
the
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a
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part of
human
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the human
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brain to
the
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apply
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disruption
and
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, and
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that is
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the main reason why people are not able to
be concentrated
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concentrate
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on useful leisure as reading books or
make
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making
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themselves
to
Verb problem
apply
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do the
hoomework
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homework
.
To conclude
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, it is
proved
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proven
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that
continious
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continuous
use of social
medias
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media
show examples
results
unwell
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in unwellness
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and brings
individuals
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individuals'
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mind
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minds
show examples
to the damage.

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task response
Your stance is clear, but the essay is short. Add 2-3 more reasons and simple facts to show why social media can affect attention.
coherence
Make a short intro and a short conclusion. Use linking words to show how ideas go together, like and, but, also, so.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use correct forms: 'There is a rumor', 'evidence', 'social media', 'TikTok', 'homework'.
content
You take a clear view that you agree with the statement.
content
You try to give an example, like the TikTok video length.
structure
There is an essay form with a start, middle and end.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
What to do next:
Look at other essays: