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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world.

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world.
The graph gives data about the number of people who
utilized
Use the right word
utilised
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 familiar association services in the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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while
Linking Words
 Cellular phone
service
Use synonyms
 rates
were
Verb problem
apply
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decreased significantly, the indicators of Internet
service
Use synonyms
 and Mobile
broadband
Use synonyms
a
Verb problem
showed a
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small increase over time. As the line graph shows, Cellular phone
service
Use synonyms
 started with about 5
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998 followed by an enormous growth to around 29
residents
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2004.
However
Linking Words
, it experienced a steady rise
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
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 65 occupants
the
Change preposition
by the
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end
Use synonyms
 of the term.Regarding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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land line
Use the right word
landline
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service
Use synonyms
 began with around 14
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998.
Then
Linking Words
, the landline
service
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 levelled off from 2000 to 2004 about 20
residents
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, it experienced a tiny decline to approximately 15 occupants
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
end
Use synonyms
 of the period. Turning to Internet
service
Use synonyms
, started with about 5
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998, followed by a small increase to about 11
residents
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2004.
Wheares
Correct your spelling
Whereas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 there was
rapidly
Replace the word
rapid
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 growth
20
Change preposition
of 20
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 occupants
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
end
Use synonyms
 of the year.Regarding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 Mobile
broadband
Use synonyms
 and Fixed
broadband
Use synonyms
 began with around 6
inhabitants
Use synonyms
 in 1998,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 mobile
broadband
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fixed
broadband
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 levelled off between 2000 and 2002.
By contrast
Linking Words
, a small rise to 8
residents
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
end
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words service, broadband, inhabitants, residents, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication services
  • overall trend
  • significant increase/decrease
  • traditional vs. modern
  • technological advancements
  • regional disparities
  • adoption and usage
  • future predictions
  • sociopolitical events
  • altering usage patterns
  • detailed analysis
  • popularity
  • emphasize
  • demonstrate
  • surpass
  • overshadow
  • implications
  • innovation
  • transition
  • dominance
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