Some people think success comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are important. Discuss both points and share opinion.

People
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have different views about what leads to
success
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in life.Some believe that hard
work
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and determination are the key factors,
while
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others argue that money and
appearance
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play a more important role.In my opinion,
although
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wealth and looks may provide certain advantages,long-term
success
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is more strongly linked to effort and persistence.
On the other hand
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,many
people
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consider hard
work
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and determination to be essential for
success
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.
This
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is because individuals who
work
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consistently towards their goals are more likely to overcome difficulties and achieve progress.
For example
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,many scientists and inventors,
such
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as Thomas Edison,achieved
success
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not because of their wealth but because of their persistence despite failure.
Moreover
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,determination builds resilience and confidence,which are necessary qualities in both personal and professional life.
On the other hand
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,some
people
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believe that money and
appearance
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are more influential.Wealth can provide access to high-quality education,better opportunities,and a strong network of contacts
,
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apply
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,which can all lead to
success
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.
Similarly
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,good
appearance
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may help individuals in industries
such
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as fashion,media,or entertainment,where looks are often linked to opportunities.In
this
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sense , money and
appearance
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can give
people
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an advantage at the starting point. In my view,
while
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looks may open doors ,they cannot guarantee lasting
success
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.Without dedication and effort,opportunities may be wasted.True and long-term
success
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comes from hard
work
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,persistence ,and skills rather than external factors

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task response
The essay shows your view and talks about both sides. It would be stronger with a short, clear final sentence that restates your view.
coherence
Link ideas with more varied words. Do not use the same line many times. Try connect words like 'also','but','however','therefore','in addition'.
grammar
Check small grammar and punctuation. Use shorter sentences to help the reader. Put comma where needed.
task response
Give more exact ideas for each side. Explain how hard work leads to success and how money or looks can help, with one or two firm examples.
content
Clear view of what makes success, with both sides said.
structure
There are two main parts that show reasons for each view.
content
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
lexical resource
An example (Thomas Edison) is used to show a point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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