IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is widely
recognized
Change the spelling
recognised
show examples
 that advertising have strong
effective
Replace the word
effect
 in
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
show examples
 more customers，and it is
also
Linking Words
 a fairly smart marketing technique to earn
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,as entertainment developed day by
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 advertisement become more and more frequently so that makes people feel
boredom
Replace the word
bored
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain my opinions and my
suggests
Replace the word
suggestions
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,I have to admit that advertising is necessary, especially for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies cause they can use advertisements to broadcast and introduce their
products
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
 can
known
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 more about the
products
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 there
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 disadvantages for the
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
.On one hand,they buy the
products
Use synonyms
 just because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their favourite film star acted
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 advertisement
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they buy the
products
Use synonyms
 useless or they buy things just because of impulse purchase
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that they will more easy to waste
money
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,reality
products
Use synonyms
 sometimes
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 accord with the product in advertising,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 always makes the consumer disappointed.
Moreover
Linking Words
,advertising sometimes appeared too presumptuous
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
so that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 makes people uncomfortable and unsuitable
,to
Punctuation problem
. To
show examples
 my way of thinking,it is not the original goal for the companies to make advertising which costs them a
fairly number
Check wording
fair amount
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
，it is true that
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 will increase a large number of customers and it always
worked
Wrong verb form
works
show examples
，but everything
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to be proper so
that
Correct word choice
as to
show examples
 avoid
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 induction of negative emotions.In my point of view ,the most important way to increase the customers is
pay
Verb problem
to pay
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 to improve the quality of
products
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
money
Use synonyms
on the
Change preposition
for
show examples
 advertising.Cause whatever how
is the advertising perfect
Correct word order
perfect the advertising is
show examples
,if the quality
is
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not measure up,everything is futile.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why ads work and why people may ignore them.
task response
Give a clear opinion early and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Use one or two simple examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy linking words like First, Also, However, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to see in most parts.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: