The crime among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions

Since the
last
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decade, the number of crimes committed by teenagers has increased dramatically around the world.
This
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concerning issue must be
analyzed
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analysed
show examples
and discussed in order to find effective solutions. One of the main reasons for
this
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growth is the decreasing attendance of children at school. Many teenagers abandon educational institutions, arguing that classes are boring and irrelevant to their future. When they are not engaged in studies, they often spend time on the streets, where they can be influenced by negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
In addition
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, the lack of job opportunities plays a crucial role. With limited education, many young people struggle to find employment and see no prospects for a stable future. A study published in the Journal of Social Sciences revealed that seventy
percent
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per cent
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of Brazilian citizens have not completed high school, which drastically reduces their chances of getting well-paid jobs
such
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as becoming doctors or lawyers.
Consequently
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, some individuals with no academic background or professional skills attempt to improve their lives through illegal actions,
such
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as robbing houses and banks. There are,
however
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, ways to address these problems.
Firstly
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, schools should invest in sports and cultural
centers
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centres
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, encouraging students to focus on healthy activities and teamwork.
Such
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initiatives would reduce school dropout rates and provide a positive environment for teenagers.
Moreover
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, governments should create more employment opportunities with fair salaries, motivating young people to discover new abilities and to build a better future without resorting to crime. In conclusion, education and job opportunities are essential to prevent the increase of juvenile crime. By addressing these issues, societies can create safer and more promising environments for the next generations.

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improvement
You cover causes and fixes, but go more deep. add more reasons and more steps to fix crime.
coherence
Link ideas with more smooth ties. use words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but' to guide the reader.
evidence
Use more examples from more places, not only one country. This will make the point stronger.
structure
Make the ending stronger by restating the main idea and giving a final thought or hope.
structure
Clear goal at the start and a plan with causes and fixes.
content
Two main ideas with a closing paragraph.
coherence
Some good linking words are used.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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