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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that supermarkets and manufacturers have a responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging on products they sell. Others believe that it is the consumer’s responsibility to avoid buying products which have a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #supermarkets #manufacturers #responsibility #amount #products #consumer’s
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Many dispute that the amount of packaging ought to be reduced and it is the responsibility of manufacturers and supermarket outlets to do so. Others argue that to reach
this
 goal buyers should avoid commodities that have packaging.
While
 manufacturing
companies
 need to reduce their
use
 of packaging, I will argue that the obligation mostly lies around customers. Production
companies
 tend to wrap their products in a fancy package in order to enhance their chance of being caught the eye of a customer and being purchased among the variety of similar products and fierce competition.
However
, environmental advocates have been contending that supermarkets and manufacturers have to be forced to decrease their
use
 of packaging since they have dire implications for the environment. The reason for
this
 is that producers are laying the foundation for acceleration in the
use
 of wrapped goods and making it a norm in the industry and other branches.
Consequently
, packaging will become widespread among all sectors which will lead to natural damage. On the flip side, I would argue that citizens have to be on the front line of combating the
use
 of environmentally catastrophic packaging materials by opting for non-wrapped goods.
This
 simple gesture will transcend a message to corporations that these useless items, which are indeed harmful to nature, have to be decreased or omitted from production.
For instance
, Norway, which has one of the most environmentally friendly citizens, have conducted a similar scheme and successfully managed to force the government to impose legislation on
companies
 to minimize their
use
 of harmful packaging materials.
Hence
, if individuals were to show their disgust with the consumption of wraps, the government and businesses would act in favour of people's will and lower their application. In conclusion, I would argue that citizens have the strongest voice in convincing
companies
 not to
use
 packaging, which is unnecessary and destructive to the environment.
Submitted by sajadtorab on

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task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses both views of the topic and offers your own perspective, which is great for task response. However, try to expand on the arguments a bit more and provide more concrete supporting examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some sentences could be clearer with regard to their connection to the main argument. Try to use more cohesive devices such as transition words to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which demonstrates a strong task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and provide a clear overview and summary of your main points, adding to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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