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Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, we are living in a technological era
,
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apply
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 where digital devices are an inevitable part of people's lives.
Hence
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, some people argue that regular
use
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 of personal computers by children has a more negative impact on them. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because they are not mentally mature enough.
Firstly
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, many parents allow unsupervised
use
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 of computers by their kids, which may lead to distraction. In today's
world
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, it is necessary to
use
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 PCs to learn new software and tools to prepare young
lerners
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learners
 for the outside
world
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.
However
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, if it is left unattended ,
then
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 young users might end up shifting their focus
on
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to
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 playing games or watching content that they are not supposed to do.
This
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 may result in poor academic performance.
Secondly
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, studies have shown that longer screen time, especially by young kids,
has
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results in
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 a lower attention span , which jeopardises their ability to focus on learning new things.
Thirdly
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, daily
use
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 of computers has a negative impact not only mentally but
also
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 physically. Looking at the screen for a longer period of time can deteriorate eyesight
due to
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emission
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the emission
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 of blue rays.
Lastly
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, children have limited understanding of the
world
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 , so it is paramount that the content that they consume online on personal devices needs to be
supervhised
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supervised
,
otherwise
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 they can easily misunderstand the content.
For example
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, there are many videos online saying college dropouts have gained greater success in life, which is partially true , but viewers might think that college degrees are useless
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;
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as a result
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, many learners lose interest in education.
This
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 might put their career in jeopardy in the future. In conclusion,
although
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 it is beneficial to
use
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 a computer to keep up to date in
this
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 digital
world
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, it has more negative effects on mental health and physical harm.

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content
Be clear about your view from the start and keep it through the essay.
content
Give more exact reasons and real, simple examples to back each point.
structure
Make the links between ideas easy to follow. Use small link words and clear order: First, then, also, finally.
language
Fix small spelling and grammar errors to make the points easy to read.
format
End with a short, clear rest of your main idea.
strength
You make a clear choice on the topic.
strength
Intro and conclusion match the idea well.
strength
There is a quick order in the plan with First, Second, Third, Finally.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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