IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increases. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

After the abolition of
the
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apply
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capital punishment, our lives have become more insecure
and
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, and
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crime
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 has increased. Even though
this
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 statement is relatively true,
i
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I
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 firmly believe that the
death
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penalty
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 is not an effective way to combat social violence, since there are other ways to prevent
crime
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 and improve the security landscape.
Firstly
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, most
countries
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 are not prepared to implement the
death
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penalty
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due to
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 a deficient and even corrupt judicial system.
Although
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 the
death
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penalty
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 is often applied for very serious crimes
such
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 as rape and murder, the presumption of innocence and the right to a trial are disregarded
,
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.
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 which can lead to injustice in
killing
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the killing
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the
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of the
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 criminal.
For example
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, in 2015, two Chileans were to be unjustly executed in Malaysia for an alleged murder, a case that shook the world, because the truth is that many
countries
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 with the
death
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penalty
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 lack strong and effective judicial systems, and innocent people can be killed unjustly.
Secondly
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,
It
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it
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 should be mentioned that many
countries
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 with very high
crime
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 rates
,
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apply
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 are
countries
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 with great inequality, lack of opportunities and declining public services
,
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.
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 which leads to a greater tendency towards
crime
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due to
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 these factors. A study from the University of California showed that
countries
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 that invested in education, public health, and housing from the outset
,
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apply
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 had lower
crime
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 rates compared with
countries
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 that invested in weapons, prisons, and police forces. In conclusion, taking deeper and more far-sighted measures,
such
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 as investing in education, is much more effective in preventing
crime
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 in the long run than the
death
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penalty
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, which only puts an end to the problem when the damage is already done
,
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.
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 and
also
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 put an innocent person at risk by being judged wrongly.

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coherence
Link ideas more clearly and use a few simple sign words to show flow from one point to the next.
task
Give true and clear examples and explain how they back your view.
language
Check small grammar and use simple, plain words to keep easy to read.
strength
The writer shows a clear view and keeps the argument on topic.
structure
The essay uses paragraphs to group related ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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