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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in the city, while others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

There is an ongoing debate between two sections of society about the vehicles that should be used for travelling in
cities
Use synonyms
. Some say
cars
Use synonyms
 are better
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others favour bicycles. As far as I am concerned about the best way of travelling I would strongly favour
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
. A major reason behind choosing
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 to travel in
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 faster speed of
cars
Use synonyms
. It cannot be denied that
cities
Use synonyms
 are majorly busy and have a
fast pace
Use the right word
fast-paced
show examples
 environment.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 living in these urban areas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 don’t have much time to spend on travelling.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
option
Use synonyms
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
safe in all types of
weathers
Fix the agreement mistake
weather
show examples
.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can live their busy
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 without any disruption by using
cars
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, riding a
bicycle
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
city
Punctuation problem
city,
show examples
 has a number of benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is a cheaper
option
Use synonyms
.
Along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it is helpful to mitigate the pollution.
Thirdly
Linking Words
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most importantly,
while
Linking Words
 living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a hectic schedule, it will allow
people
Use synonyms
 to perform physical activity. Eventually, it will help
people
Use synonyms
 to take steps towards
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. After taking all
this
Linking Words
 into
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consideration,
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 should be used as a transport
option
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it makes
life
Use synonyms
 simple and better in different ways. It is not only a better
option
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
’s
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for
cities
Use synonyms
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are some
cities
Use synonyms
 in Europe where car use is prohibited.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 use other transport options.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there is an argument about different ways to travel in
cities
Use synonyms
. Some
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 about
cars
Use synonyms
 as its faster way
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 about
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 cheaper and provide a number
benefits
Change preposition
of benefits
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 my perception
bicycle
Use synonyms
 is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
option
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 its useful results.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, more and more
cities
Use synonyms
 should switch to cycles for
betterment
Correct article usage
the betterment
show examples
 of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.

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task-response
State your view clearly at the start and restate it in the end to show a clear position.
task-response
Give more clear plan and details. Add more points and explain why each point matters.
coherence
Group ideas in each paragraph and use one main idea per paragraph to help flow.
coherence
Use simple linking words and keep a logical order of ideas.
grammar
Fix small grammar mistakes: use articles correctly, check verb form and plural, and watch punctuation.
content
Use concrete examples or facts to back up points.
stance
Clear stance that bicycles are better for city travel.
structure
Good use of basic linking phrases like On the other hand and firstly.
content
An example about car bans in some cities shows awareness of real data.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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