IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011.

The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011.
The chart compares how many households had a computer from 1997 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
 computers in many houses in the time period, even the number
computers
Change preposition
of computers
show examples
 in others was only one or two
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 rate increased with stability. As a graph shows, in 1997, the percentage
families
Change preposition
of families
show examples
 which had
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 was around 45%, and
this
Linking Words
 figure
leveled
Use the right word
levelled
show examples
 off at
this
Linking Words
 rate in 2011. In terms of households with
none
Rephrase
no
show examples
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
, in 1997, they were approximately 47%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, there was
rapid
Correct article usage
a rapid
show examples
 fall with some fluctuations to 17% in 2011.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of families with two computers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost 5% in 1997;
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 rate witnessed a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
go up
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 to just under 30% by 2011. Turning to the households with three or computer devices,
this
Linking Words
 amount was 0% in 1997 and 1999, respectively.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of some fluctuations
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 figure rose slightly to about 5% in 2011.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: