IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Promoting
people
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's
minds
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 for several individuals based on how they spend their free
time
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. If they waste their
time
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 on focusing
activities
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such
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 as reading and doing puzzles, it certainly will improve their
minds
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 and their thinking as well,
whereas
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 others believe that resting their mind in their leisure
time
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 is more essential compared to doing
activities
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. Leisure
time
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 From my perspective, like a jewel,
people
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 should take care of it,
moreover
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, it has a value that becomes apparent only when it is gone.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of the former nation.
To begin
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 with, spending
time
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 with useful
activities
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 is key for developing
minds
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.
In other words
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, many
people
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 waste their own relaxing
time
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 doing something worthy, they believe that these tiny things that they are doing and their effect will appear in their future,
such
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 as reading, doing puzzles, and so on.
In addition
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, it will create a great imagination for the person.
For example
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, those who grow up being aware of the significance of
time
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 and that they should spend it doing valued
activities
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 will in the future find themselves in a high position. In terms of relaxing in leisure
time
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 for many
people
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, it has several benefits,
first,
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having a mental breather. It is
also
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 possible to say that they ratify that after a whole day with achievements, whether working or studying, they have to give their
minds
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 a break as a gift,
in other words
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, they have certainty that after resting their
minds
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, their achievements will be more.
For Instance
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, several employees outshine having a vacation in their free
time
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 to doing something valuable. In a nutshell, wasting
time
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 has sparked a heated debate,
while
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 some of them believe they have to do helpful
activities
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 to improve their
minds
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, others suppose differently, they prefer to gift themselves by going on a holiday or resting in their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 place.

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coherence cohesion
Improve clarity and coherence by organizing your ideas more logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear purpose and connects well to the next.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence to enhance credibility and engagement. This will strengthen your argument and make it more relatable to the reader.
task achievement
Expand on your own opinion in the conclusion. Clearly state why you support one view over the other and perhaps offer a suggestion or implication for future consideration.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully provided an introduction that outlines the two perspectives, preparing the reader for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your discussion, showing you understand the views you explored.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Intellectually stimulating
  • Acquiring knowledge
  • Mental relaxation
  • Burnout
  • Emotional well-being
  • Balanced approach
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Leisurely pursuits
  • Mental exertion
  • Mindfulness
  • Recreational activities
  • Professional development
  • Cerebral exercise
  • Restorative practices
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