IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.
The picture illustrates the steps and equipment involved in the process of manufacturing
milk
Use synonyms
 and dairy products for commercial sale.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process has multiple
different
Correct word choice
apply
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stages , starting from cows grazing and ending with selling in the supermarket and shops. Look at the first step, cows were grazed every day , and they were milked by machines twice a day.
Then
Linking Words
, the amount of
milk
Use synonyms
 was taken to the refrigerated storage. After that, the
milk
Use synonyms
 obtained
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 would be delivered to the Dairy by the large
milk
Use synonyms
 tanker.
Next,
Linking Words
the
milk
Use synonyms
 was used for producing cheese, cream, and butter , and the amount of
milk
Use synonyms
 remaining was pasteurised and packaged to sell in the market.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • milking machines
  • containers
  • refrigerated trucks
  • pasteurization
  • homogenization
  • separation
  • standardization
  • cream
  • skim milk
  • fat content
  • packaging
  • cartons
  • bottles
  • dairy processing plant
  • quality control
  • safety and quality standards
  • distribution
  • retailers
  • grocery stores
  • vendors
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