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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Online education is becoming more popular as an alternative to traditional classroom learning. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

It is commonly argued that online learning is becoming more widespread compared to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
classroom
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are some advantages of distance schooling, I believe its disadvantages outweigh the advantages significantly. The main advantage is convenience. Online
education
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 allows
students
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 to
enroll
Use the right word
enrol
show examples
 in classes and acquire new knowledge regardless of location and time zone.
Therefore
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, the process of learning becomes easier and more affordable. As traditional
classroom
Use synonyms
 teaching requires time to attend or be
presented
Replace the word
present
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 in the
classroom
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, during distance learning
everything
Punctuation problem
, everything
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 can be accomplished at home in comfortable conditions on computers or laptops.
For example
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, during the COVID period,
mostly
Rephrase
almost
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 everyone could wake up 5 minutes before the start of classes and still be prepared for lessons.
However
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, the drawbacks of
such
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education
Use synonyms
 are far more significant. Nowadays, there is a belief that online
education
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 сannot not provide a sufficient amount of high-quality knowledge. Because in
such
Linking Words
 an environment a teacher is not physically present next to
students
Use synonyms
, many of them may not
be concentrated
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 on
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 learning activities.
Moreover
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, there are still possibilities of cheating during important exams or misuse of artificial intelligence in tasks where creativity and independent thinking
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 required.
For example
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, statistics demonstrate that
students
Use synonyms
 who
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
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 middle school during quarantine times
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 showed serious gaps in important math topics.
Therefore
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, the quality of
such
Linking Words
education
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 can be seriously doubted. In conclusion,
while
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 online schooling can provide several benefits to a learning community
due to
Linking Words
accessibility
Correct article usage
the accessibility
show examples
 of acquiring knowledge in different environments,
such
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classroom
Use synonyms
 teaching may provide significant disadvantages of
bad
Correct word choice
poor
show examples
 quality learning or
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
show examples
 of cheating by
students
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.

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Task Response
Make your answer direct. State your view in the first paragraph and keep it so in all parts. Add more clear ideas that support both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear link words and sign posts to show how ideas fit together. Keep each paragraph about one main idea and finish each with a small link to the next idea.
Introduction and Conclusion
In the intro, restate the topic in your own words and give a clear thesis. In the end, restate your view and sum up the main points.
Examples and Evidence
Use more exact and close examples. Explain how each example supports your point. Avoid vague or general numbers.
Grammar and Accuracy
Check for small grammar mistakes and word choice. Simple, clear sentences are better than long, hard ones. Correct typos like c in cannot and tidy phrases about the quarantine period.
content
The writer gives a clear view that online learning has both sides.
evidence
There is an example about the COVID period that shows a real time
cohesion
Some good linking words such as however and therefore are used.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist to frame the answer.
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