Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security

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There has been a growing trend of choosing

jobs

Use synonyms

beyond satisfaction rather than security since it can develop not only

job

Use synonyms

motivation and efficiency. I understand

this

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viewpoint,

however

Linking Words

, I

also

Linking Words

believe that having a permanent

job

Use synonyms

can increase a person’s contentment of his or her life.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

job

Use synonyms

satisfaction has contributed to the development of both employee's careers and society. If individuals get

jobs

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that suit their aptitude, they can fully engage in their workforce, which allows them to be respected by colleagues. I think

this

Linking Words

seems effective at improving personal growth and industry development. To illustrate

this

Linking Words

statement, I will introduce Bark Jin Young who became completely immersed in his

job

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as a producer. He has strived hard to find K-pop singers for a few years, resulting in driving Korea to the top of the entertainment industry all over the world. From

this

Linking Words

example, I believe that enjoying

jobs

Use synonyms

has various positive effects on both individuals and societies.

On the other hand

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, a permanent

job

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affects an individual's psychological stability.

This

Linking Words

is because people who have a stable

job

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might not have to get pressured about seeking

another

Replace the adjective

another job

other jobs

show examples

jobs

Use synonyms

or making money. Without having those challenges, these people are more inclined to invest their time and money to figure out hobbies or exercise,

instead

Linking Words

of being stressed out, which will eventually strengthen their mental health and physical health simultaneously.

For example

Linking Words

, in Korea, most public officials, which is one of

permanent

Add an article

the permanent

show examples

jobs

Use synonyms

, have said that they are satisfied with their stable

jobs

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because they don't struggle with

job

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performance.

Consequently

Linking Words

, I think

instead

Linking Words

of resorting

Change preposition

show examples

finding interests in

jobs

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, having a permanent

job

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seems more beneficial to

individual's

Correct article usage

an individual's

show examples

life.

To sum up

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, as compared above, people can choose their

jobs

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depending on their life perspectives.

However

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, as a person who puts more value on personal growth, I believe a

job

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should be chosen by our aspirations.

This

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choice will continue our society's well-being in the future.

Submitted by kchengii on Fri May 17 2024

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coherence

To further enhance coherence, consider using more varied transition signals like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' to link ideas seamlessly.

task achievement

For a stronger argument, ensure that your examples are not just relevant, but also elaborated upon clearly to support your points more effectively.

general

Please proofread to correct minor grammatical errors and improve phrasing. This will ensure clarity and precision of ideas.

task achievement

The essay presents a well-rounded discussion of both views and clearly states your own opinion, which is critical for task achievement.

task achievement

The use of relevant examples such as Bark Jin Young contributes significantly to supporting your main points.

coherence

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to its logical flow.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

331 words

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Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, many individuals prefer to purchase products from well-known brands, including clothing, automobiles, and other stuff. What drives this behaviour? Do you consider that to be a good or bad development?

You need a website for your business, and you would like to ask your friend to build it. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter •Include a brief description of your business •Explain what you would like to have on the website •Provide some ideas on the use of images on the website.

Nowadays in many countries chemicals are used to preserve food. Do the advantages of this use outweigh the disadvantages.

Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, hoever, think that others types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.