Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that having a permanent job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There has been a growing trend of choosing
jobs
beyond satisfaction rather than security since it can develop not only job
motivation and efficiency. I understand this
viewpoint, however
, I also
believe that having a permanent job
can increase a person’s contentment of his or her life.
To begin
with, job
satisfaction has contributed to the development of both employee's careers and society. If individuals get jobs
that suit their aptitude, they can fully engage in their workforce, which allows them to be respected by colleagues. I think this
seems effective at improving personal growth and industry development. To illustrate this
statement, I will introduce Bark Jin Young who became completely immersed in his job
as a producer. He has strived hard to find K-pop singers for a few years, resulting in driving Korea to the top of the entertainment industry all over the world. From this
example, I believe that enjoying jobs
has various positive effects on both individuals and societies.
On the other hand
, a permanent job
affects an individual's psychological stability. This
is because people who have a stable job
might not have to get pressured about seeking another
Replace the adjective
another job
other jobs
jobs
or making money. Without having those challenges, these people are more inclined to invest their time and money to figure out hobbies or exercise, instead
of being stressed out, which will eventually strengthen their mental health and physical health simultaneously. For example
, in Korea, most public officials, which is one of permanent
Add an article
the permanent
jobs
, have said that they are satisfied with their stable jobs
because they don't struggle with job
performance. Consequently
, I think instead
of resorting on
finding interests in Change preposition
to
jobs
, having a permanent job
seems more beneficial to individual's
life.
Correct article usage
an individual's
To sum up
, as compared above, people can choose their jobs
depending on their life perspectives. However
, as a person who puts more value on personal growth, I believe a job
should be chosen by our aspirations. This
choice will continue our society's well-being in the future.Submitted by kchengii on
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coherence
To further enhance coherence, consider using more varied transition signals like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' to link ideas seamlessly.
task achievement
For a stronger argument, ensure that your examples are not just relevant, but also elaborated upon clearly to support your points more effectively.
general
Please proofread to correct minor grammatical errors and improve phrasing. This will ensure clarity and precision of ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded discussion of both views and clearly states your own opinion, which is critical for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples such as Bark Jin Young contributes significantly to supporting your main points.
coherence
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to its logical flow.
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