IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Jubilents
Correct your spelling
Jubilants
 are the backbone of the country
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can make a beautiful society
, some
Punctuation problem
. Some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 argued that usually
people
Use synonyms
 told their child that if they want to get
something
Punctuation problem
something,
show examples
 they have to
work
Use synonyms
 with full of their
Correct word choice
full potenials
show examples
potenials
Correct your spelling
potential
, so
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think
this
Linking Words
 essay has more advantages
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 disadvantages
, there
Punctuation problem
. There
show examples
 are
explainations
Correct your spelling
explanations
 in the upcoming paragraphs to support my views.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, by doing
work
Use synonyms
 down to
dusk
Punctuation problem
dusk,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 youngster can
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
 goal
, to
Punctuation problem
. To
show examples
explations
Correct your spelling
explain
when
Punctuation problem
, when
show examples
 a child
deside
Correct your spelling
decides
 to do hard
work
Use synonyms
 in any
feld
Correct your spelling
field
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 study, sports and arts,
then
Linking Words
 they can get
name
Correct article usage
a name
show examples
 and
fam
Use the right word
fame
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by doing
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 come to know about them and what they did in the
past
Punctuation problem
past,
show examples
 so they will earn huge money and could improve
their not only
Correct word order
not only their
show examples
Check wording
standard living
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living of
Correct word order
of living
show examples
standerd
Check wording
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
 their dreams.
Further
Linking Words
 more there is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 example of
offspring
Correct article usage
an offspring
show examples
 in my city
name
Replace the word
named
show examples
raj kumar
Fix capitalization
Raj Kumar
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he studied hard in the
12
Correct your spelling
12th
 class and he got 98.90
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 subject
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he got second position in
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
Change preposition
of india
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india
Fix capitalization
India
show examples
, by
Punctuation problem
. By
show examples
 getting
this
Linking Words
position
Punctuation problem
position,
show examples
 he got offered money to study more by Microsoft. Apart from that, hard
work
Use synonyms
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
key
of
Change preposition
to
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sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 not
for
Rephrase
only for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for kids, because if their parents teach them how to
hard
Correct word order
work hard
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in any
feld
Correct your spelling
field
 to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
goal
Punctuation problem
goal,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they will know the value of the goal and they will feel a sense of
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
.
Along with
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 that, if a child
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not know how to do hard
work
Use synonyms
 for their
target
Punctuation problem
target,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they will not get a dream job in their life and it will lead to
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 a bad company, which society
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 do not
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, without hard
work
Use synonyms
 we can not get closer to our dream
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should learn how to do
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
 perfectly and should teach their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 school teachers can make a competition ,where children can learn how they can
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their target.

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Structure
Plan a short intro, then two body parts, each with a clear point for and a counter point, and finish with a short conclusion.
Task response
Balance the view by giving advantages and disadvantages, not only advantages.
Coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however' to show flow.
Language
Check spelling and keep simple words, not long or hard words.
Examples
Add more real or simple examples for each point.
Structure
Clear plan to talk about the topic.
Evidence
One real example is used to support a point.
Stance
Shows belief in hard work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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