IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

These days, many cities have problems when they grow quickly, such as accidents and traffic jams. Why do these problems occur? How do these problems impact people who travel for work or study?

Nowadays, many cities have seen an increasing number of growth-induced problems like high rates of
road
Use synonyms
 incidents , which can be attributed to
mismanagement
Correct article usage
the mismanagement
show examples
 of city infrastructure funding.
This
Linking Words
 has become a major concern as they hinder students and workers from travelling across towns effectively. One way to address the question of the impact of fast development on
road
Use synonyms
 infrastructure is to recognise that the funds from city councils are being used ineffectively. If money were to be distributed equitably, it could result in better
road
Use synonyms
 conditions for rapidly expanding areas.
For example
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, the city of Tokyo has seen exponential advancement over the
last
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 few decades, despite that the local government policies pertaining to fund allocation are
such
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 that
road
Use synonyms
 incidents are at their lowest ever in history.
Hence
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, smarter budget division leads to safer roads. Not only does
this
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 issue cause travel delays , but it
also
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 contributes to inapproachable travel situations.
As a result
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, aspiring jobs and courses may seem far from reach
due to
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 the considerable risk of losing time in traffic, or worse, life-changing injuries. These potential obstacles slow down the functions of the economy.
For instance
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, metropolises with effective public transport systems like trams and trains , which shorten commute times, have the most influx of skilled labour and tertiary students ,
such
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 as Melbourne and Sydney. In conclusion, problems like
road
Use synonyms
 accidents and traffic delays in developing cities primarily arise from fund misappropriation.
While
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 the immediate effects include increased travel times , the long-term repercussions ,
such
Linking Words
 as slower economic growth, are far more serious.
Whereas
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 the causes may be difficult to address, understanding the consequences is essential for effective policy-making.

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weakness
Add more ideas on why fast growth makes roads bad, for example more cars and more work travel. Give one or two clear reasons with simple fact or plan.
weakness
Put one clear main idea in each paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that tells the main point.
weakness
Use easier words and short lines. Some phrases like 'inapproachable travel situations' are hard to follow. Use 'hard to travel' or 'slow trips'.
weakness
Use more simple links to show how ideas are tied, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'for example'.
strength
Good side: you give real examples like Tokyo and Melbourne. You have a clear view that money use can cause this problem.
structure
Clear start, body and end. You say what the issue is and give ideas.
evidence
You use real city names to show your point.
focus
You show the link from money use to road safety.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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