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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is widely known that a lot of people are keen on travelling around using their own ride.
This
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 essay will examine the issues
as well as
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 the consequences of
such
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 a tendency. There are a number of different problems of
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, there is undoubtedly not enough space on Earth for every human being to have their own ride. The government pushed families to have children to serve in wars , and the exceptional industrial growth in the 1800s and 1900s. Nowadays, the birth rate has been more and more uncontrollable;
therefore
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, overpopulation has become an enormous problem.
That is
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 the cause of overloaded traffic.
For example
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, if everyone insists on getting in their own car, every road in the world will stop
due to
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 approximately 4 billion cars running at the same time. And that led to another huge crisis, which is air and noise pollution. The toxic fumes coming from vehicles have been known to destroy Earth's ozone layer, and the noises coming from car honking have been proven to drastically affect
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
show examples
 mental state. Real-life example, just
last
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 month, a woman was so furious at the horrible traffic and noise that she just stomped on the pedal and crashed into 6 other cars. Despite these circumstances, there are a few measures to mitigate the situation.
Firstly
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, the government should push citizens to use buses and trains as a means of transportation. It is proven to be more economical and environmental-friendly when using public transport
instead
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 of private transit.
Secondly
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, companies should start investing in electric vehicles. If push came to shove, driving in electric cars would at least mitigate air and noise pollution. In conclusion, the problem of people using their own vehicles to traverse is unlikely to be removed in the short term.
However
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, a number of solutions can be taken seriously by the government and society in order the hold down the current situation.

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structure
Plan a clear path in your intro. Say what you will discuss and the order you will follow.
structure
Put the main problems in their own short paragraph each with a clear first line (topic sentence).
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas (for example: also, but, so, because, however). This helps flow.
content
Stick to true facts or simple facts you know. Do not add big numbers that are not real.
conclusion
End with a short conclusion that restates your main view and lists the main points again.
content
The writer shows a view and some ideas.
language
The words are simple and easy to read.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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