IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned . Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Sports
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 play an integral role in personal development, particularly for individuals who engage in high-risk or extreme activities in pursuit of adventure and adrenaline.
Although
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 some argue that
such
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 dangerous
sports
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 should be banned
due to
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 the risks involved, I strongly disagree with
this
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 stance, as these activities offer profound psychological, physical, and even societal benefits.
To begin
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 with, extreme
sports
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 provide individuals with a rare opportunity to conquer fear, build resilience, and experience personal growth. Activities
such
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 as skydiving, mountaineering, or deep-sea diving are not merely about thrill-seeking; they represent a journey of self-discovery and mental strength.
Also
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, participants often undergo rigorous training and preparation, demonstrating discipline and focus. The accomplishment of completing
such
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 physically demanding challenges enhances self-confidence, mental fortitude, and a deep sense of achievement—traits essential in many areas of life.
Moreover
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, engaging in hazardous
sports
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 contributes positively to mental health by reducing stress, anxiety, and symptoms of depression. The physical exertion combined with the adrenaline rush can trigger the release of endorphins, promoting emotional well-being. Beyond personal benefits, these
sports
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 have become a part of a growing global industry, creating employment in tourism,
sports
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 coaching, media content, and safety equipment. Many athletes turn their passion into professions by vlogging, competing internationally, or setting world records, gaining recognition and inspiring others. In conclusion, banning dangerous
sports
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 would deprive individuals of valuable life experiences and personal development opportunities. Rather than prohibition, emphasis should be placed on safety regulations, proper training, and public education to ensure these
sports
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 can be enjoyed responsibly and safely by those who choose to pursue them.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to provide a few more specific examples to support your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You provide strong arguments about the benefits of extreme sports.
task achievement
The conclusion emphasizes safety over banning, which is an excellent point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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